Monday, February 09, 2004
10/28/2003:
Charting
I started all this in July and havn't really updated it. I
got so obsessed with "charting" and the TTC that I
stressed myself out so much that I decided not to do it
give myself a break for a couple of months. I got so
obsessed that I brought lots of fertlitiy monitors and
such like. Stupid thing is I am now upset with myself for
not chatting for the last couple of months.
Today I am CD 16 I know that much but nothing else that is
going on with my fertlitly. I am going to start charting
again on my next cycle.
The feelings of despration have returend with a vengance,
I have found out that 2 of my close friends are expecting
and another told me tonight that she is also expecting I
feel like curling up into a ball and screaming, why can't
it be me?? What have I done to have to deal with this?
there are so many women out there that really couldn't
care less for their child and yet they fall pg at the drop
of a hat, then there are ppl like me who want another
child so much but fail to fall pg. Thats what I actually
feel like right now a failure. I have had 2 children i
wish i could be happy with that but I'm not.
I am gonna sign off for now and I make 2 promises to
myself tonigh one is to start charting again at the start
of my next cycle and the 2nd is to update this journal at
least once a month once a week would be better but we will
see.
*~*~**~*~*~*Baby Dust*~*~*~*~**~*~
11/05/2003:
Assisted Conception?
I got the 1st part of a letter from the assisted
conception unit at Guy's and St Thomas yesterday saying
what tests we both have to have, and that we have to
arrange them ourselves lucky Mal all he has to do is bash
one out in a bottle and take it to the hospital his is on
1st of December. Luckly you can arrange Mal's one over
the phone direct with St Thomas Which I did for him
yesterday, you know what men are like when it comes to
things like this :oops:
Me I have to have several blood tests :doctor: ewww I
hate giving blood! and a luteal phase serum progesterone
usually done on day 21 of your cycle but what if you are
not a 28 day cycle I am a 32-36 day cycle at the moment.
What is this test? what do they do dose anyone know :?: I
have an appointment with my GP next Thursday which is day
32 of my cycle. Wish me luck! :huh:
Today we recieved the regestration form that we have to
fill in and send back to them by the 30th November, the
thing is this letter says that the waiting time for an
appointment is 4 months from the date of refurral but we
were refurred in Febuary! Funny 4 months eh!
Now I am Scared excited happy aprehensive all at the same
time, Finally feels as though we are getting somewhere, I
know it's only a letter but it's a start eh? :star: Who
knows what is going to happen.... I have found out in the
last few weeks that 6 ppl that I know are preggers I can't
help but to feel jealous I am pleased for them but so wish
it was me saying hey guess what, we are having a baby :D
But I am becoming increasingly of the thought that Bradley
and Georgina will be our only children Well I was until I
got these letters :oops: I just hope and pray that they
can help us in someway.
If we have to go down the IVF or something simliar route
it is a postcode lottery isn't it We don't even know if we
will get funding for even one treatment let alone until we
become preggers. I guess we will just have to wait and
see. Plus as well with all the IVF blunders that have
happend recently Oh I am not even gonna go there sorry
Possitive post turning a little negitive :(
Well I hope that everyone is well I had better run as I
have to disinfect Bradleys bedroom from top to bottom as
our wonderful cats have been weeing in there!! They went
to a new home yesterday and I miss them like crazy place
seems really quite without them. :cry:
07/17/2003:
Deciding to have a baby
Well it has been a long hard road to make the decision to
ttc baby no 3. We have finally made it though and we are
ttc that precious bundle of joy. I am scared silly at the
moment. But also exited at the same time many what ifs
floating around as always.
Losing Georgie has taught me never take life for granted
it can be snatched away in an instant. I really wanted to
become pregnant right away after she died but I didn t
want a baby I just wanted that feeling of life inside me.
It s hard to explain and I don t do a good job of
explaining things at the best of times so why should this
be any different?
I guess it s only in the last few weeks that I have
allowed myself to want another child not a pregnancy but
the baby at the end of it because in truth I hate being
pregnant I get so sick and have many problems carrying a
baby. And now I want that baby so much I cannot imagine my
life with out another child in it. Many ppl have accused
me of trying to replace Georgie that can never happen
Georgie is and was is Georgie it s as simple as that and I
know that if at the end of this road we are now travelling
we have a child that child will never be Georgie.
This is a new road for me I have never seriously ttc
before. Both Georgie and Bradley were accidents all be it
very happy accidents they were not planned like this one
(if it happens). I really do not want to get my hopes up
that we will have another child but I want it so
desperately that it hurts. I guess we will have to wait
and see where this road takes us.
*~*~*~*~*~*Baby Dust *~*~*~*~*~
Charting
I started all this in July and havn't really updated it. I
got so obsessed with "charting" and the TTC that I
stressed myself out so much that I decided not to do it
give myself a break for a couple of months. I got so
obsessed that I brought lots of fertlitiy monitors and
such like. Stupid thing is I am now upset with myself for
not chatting for the last couple of months.
Today I am CD 16 I know that much but nothing else that is
going on with my fertlitly. I am going to start charting
again on my next cycle.
The feelings of despration have returend with a vengance,
I have found out that 2 of my close friends are expecting
and another told me tonight that she is also expecting I
feel like curling up into a ball and screaming, why can't
it be me?? What have I done to have to deal with this?
there are so many women out there that really couldn't
care less for their child and yet they fall pg at the drop
of a hat, then there are ppl like me who want another
child so much but fail to fall pg. Thats what I actually
feel like right now a failure. I have had 2 children i
wish i could be happy with that but I'm not.
I am gonna sign off for now and I make 2 promises to
myself tonigh one is to start charting again at the start
of my next cycle and the 2nd is to update this journal at
least once a month once a week would be better but we will
see.
*~*~**~*~*~*Baby Dust*~*~*~*~**~*~
11/05/2003:
Assisted Conception?
I got the 1st part of a letter from the assisted
conception unit at Guy's and St Thomas yesterday saying
what tests we both have to have, and that we have to
arrange them ourselves lucky Mal all he has to do is bash
one out in a bottle and take it to the hospital his is on
1st of December. Luckly you can arrange Mal's one over
the phone direct with St Thomas Which I did for him
yesterday, you know what men are like when it comes to
things like this :oops:
Me I have to have several blood tests :doctor: ewww I
hate giving blood! and a luteal phase serum progesterone
usually done on day 21 of your cycle but what if you are
not a 28 day cycle I am a 32-36 day cycle at the moment.
What is this test? what do they do dose anyone know :?: I
have an appointment with my GP next Thursday which is day
32 of my cycle. Wish me luck! :huh:
Today we recieved the regestration form that we have to
fill in and send back to them by the 30th November, the
thing is this letter says that the waiting time for an
appointment is 4 months from the date of refurral but we
were refurred in Febuary! Funny 4 months eh!
Now I am Scared excited happy aprehensive all at the same
time, Finally feels as though we are getting somewhere, I
know it's only a letter but it's a start eh? :star: Who
knows what is going to happen.... I have found out in the
last few weeks that 6 ppl that I know are preggers I can't
help but to feel jealous I am pleased for them but so wish
it was me saying hey guess what, we are having a baby :D
But I am becoming increasingly of the thought that Bradley
and Georgina will be our only children Well I was until I
got these letters :oops: I just hope and pray that they
can help us in someway.
If we have to go down the IVF or something simliar route
it is a postcode lottery isn't it We don't even know if we
will get funding for even one treatment let alone until we
become preggers. I guess we will just have to wait and
see. Plus as well with all the IVF blunders that have
happend recently Oh I am not even gonna go there sorry
Possitive post turning a little negitive :(
Well I hope that everyone is well I had better run as I
have to disinfect Bradleys bedroom from top to bottom as
our wonderful cats have been weeing in there!! They went
to a new home yesterday and I miss them like crazy place
seems really quite without them. :cry:
07/17/2003:
Deciding to have a baby
Well it has been a long hard road to make the decision to
ttc baby no 3. We have finally made it though and we are
ttc that precious bundle of joy. I am scared silly at the
moment. But also exited at the same time many what ifs
floating around as always.
Losing Georgie has taught me never take life for granted
it can be snatched away in an instant. I really wanted to
become pregnant right away after she died but I didn t
want a baby I just wanted that feeling of life inside me.
It s hard to explain and I don t do a good job of
explaining things at the best of times so why should this
be any different?
I guess it s only in the last few weeks that I have
allowed myself to want another child not a pregnancy but
the baby at the end of it because in truth I hate being
pregnant I get so sick and have many problems carrying a
baby. And now I want that baby so much I cannot imagine my
life with out another child in it. Many ppl have accused
me of trying to replace Georgie that can never happen
Georgie is and was is Georgie it s as simple as that and I
know that if at the end of this road we are now travelling
we have a child that child will never be Georgie.
This is a new road for me I have never seriously ttc
before. Both Georgie and Bradley were accidents all be it
very happy accidents they were not planned like this one
(if it happens). I really do not want to get my hopes up
that we will have another child but I want it so
desperately that it hurts. I guess we will have to wait
and see where this road takes us.
*~*~*~*~*~*Baby Dust *~*~*~*~*~
